We chart the bed-shitting habits of the North American Movie Executive; we are the hero Gotham deserves.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
Today at Superexecs HQ:
Richard: “HOW DID YOU NOT TELL ME THAT PHASMA IS BRIENNE”
Lyn: “I sincerely believed that Captain Phasma was Lupita N'yongo! I seem to be wrong though?”
Richard: “it’s probably best that the actor whose skin is completely concealed isn’t a WoC”
Lyn: “Okay but then I’m seeing Lupita played the bar owning glasses lady who is a cgi character so that isn’t like a lot better? Also it doesn’t get much more magical negro than "mmmmm, I been holdin’ that ol’ lightsaber a long time Missy Rey, y'all best go on and take it now.” “
Richard: "ohhh shit. sure isn’t. damn, that character sure snaps into focus when you think of her as a Magical Mammy.”
Lyn: “Has no one else noticed that she’s that trope? Maybe everyone is as confused about the actors as I was.”
Richard: “as far as i can tell, no. i almost want to tell people but i feel bad about it.”
Lyn: “Oh god but fucking somebody has to write a blog piece and head it with that image”
Richard: “sounds like a job for superexecs”
what if losing Bowie is the price we paid for a good Star War?
EXEC: how do we make this horrible battle of ice zombies versus humans have emotional impact?
OTHER EXEC: I don’t know what emotions are.
EXEC: like, when people watch it, we want water to leak out of their eyes just like the sewage that I’m leaking onto the bed right now
OTHER EXEC: OHHHHH right, that. So what you do is you introduce a character and make her really relatable.
EXEC: wait wait wait you said she but in this part of the show we only need warrior characters
OTHER EXEC: stay with me
EXEC: okay bro
OTHER EXEC: so your brand new, awesome, relatable character is going to be the only one to confront–or even see!–the child-zombies that I just made up
EXEC: creepy!
OTHER EXEC: I know! and also make sure you toss in a gratuitous scene showing that she is a MOMMY-warrior and that way it will be extra sad
EXEC: right, now I see why it has to be a LADY. I love shitting the bed with you.
OTHER EXEC: *fart*
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: oh you wanted some lady pairings?
FANS: yes we REALLY DO, but like, not in a lurid voyeuristic way
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: maybe you’d be interested in watching some queer-baiting? or maybe we’ll have a “lesbian kiss scene” for big ratings but skip any emotional payoff or real relationships!
FANS: noooooo stop shitting the bed
ORPHAN BLACK EXECS: we have some ladies fully naked in bed, kissing inner thighs on basic cable
FANS: TELL US MORE
ORPHAN BLACK EXECS: there’s also relationship tension
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: but all we have is this bed smeared with shit
FANS: guess we better join cloneclub, yo
ORPHAN BLACK EXECS: and we want you to know that as lesbian … … supporters … we will do everything possible to protect your precious darlings, right after we rip out everyone’s hearts
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: oh you wanted some lady pairings?
FANS: yes we REALLY DO, but like, not in a lurid voyeuristic way
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: maybe you’d be interested in watching some queer-baiting? or maybe we’ll have a “lesbian kiss scene” for big ratings but skip any emotional payoff or real relationships!
FANS: noooooo stop shitting the bed
ORPHAN BLACK EXECS: we have some ladies fully naked in bed, kissing inner thighs on basic cable
FANS: TELL US MORE
ORPHAN BLACK EXECS: there’s also relationship tension
EXECS FROM OTHER SHOWS: but all we have is this bed smeared with shit
FANS: guess we better join cloneclub, yo
INNOCENT BYSTANDER: hey what’s updog?
SUPEREXECS: nothing
INNOCENT BYSTANDER: is that… the Great Bed of Ware?
SUPEREXECS: yeah, I’ve always loved the blackwork on the pillowcases, so rad
INNOCENT BYSTANDER: please don’t mess it up
SUPEREXECS: so the Desolation of Smaug is playing on HBO and we’ve never seen it!
INNOCENT BYSTANDER: SHIT.
SCENE: a room with a bed. the bed is shockingly still clean. an executive is sprawled across it.
EXEC: I’m tired of shitting in all the beds.
OTHER EXEC: so what do you want to do?
EXEC: I dunno. write fanfic maybe?
http://archiveofourown.org/works/3999556
My sister asked if the events of “The Labyrinth” are meant to be Sarah dreaming, or are they real? Although my primary reaction was that she shouldn’t put that much thought into any children’s movie (or any instance of David Bowie in tight pants), I’d like to take this opportunity to put so much thought into this children’s movie, that it’ll blow your mind.
So why is David Bowie kidnapping a child from an underage Jennifer Connelley?
In a time long long ago a sorcerer named Jareth fell in love with a girl named Sarah. Sarah’s father and step-mother would not let her marry Jareth because they wanted her to keep her, as a servant, to care for their other child. In a fit of rage Jareth kidnapped this other child and spirited it away to the fairy world. In this new world Jareth built a palace for his Sarah. He turned the spoiled child into a goblin, and kept it to be a servant.
Many stories of the fairy world tell us that time moves differently there than in our world (Rip Van Winkle for one). In the time it took for Jareth to build his kingdom, which he may have thought was little more than a few years, Sarah grew old and died.
Overcome by grief and addled by a lifetime spent in a strange world filled with monsters, Jareth goes mad. He refuses to believe that he has lost his love. He searches the mortal world from his castle, looking for her.
Sarah is Hebrew name. So, it is common, and has been in use for thousands and thousands of years. It does not take long (for him) to find a dark haired girl named Sarah, who has a younger sibling, and who feels that she is treated unfairly by her step mother. In a fit of rage he kidnaps this other child and spirits it away to the fairy world. Perhaps this new Sarah dies in the quest to find the child, perhaps she wins her sibling back and flees.
Jareth searches the mortal world from his from his castle, looking for her. It does not take long to find a dark haired girl named Sarah…
This is how Jareth becomes the goblin king. Every goblin in the goblin city is a child Jareth has stolen, who was not recovered by a Sarah. (he told the current Sarah that Toby would become a goblin if she did not find him in time)
This is why he builds the maze. The magic bog, the junk yard of useless treasures, all tricks to slow Sarah down. Because if he can only have his Sarah for the time it takes for her to regain the stolen child, he will make it take as long as possible, keep her as long as possible.
This is why there exists in our world a book containing the story. Because it has happened before. So many times. At some point some lucky Sarah must have returned to our world to tell the story.
This is why when the most recent Sarah first meets Hoggle at the start of the labyrinth, and introduces herself; “I’m Sarah”, Hoggle responds “That’s what I figured.”
Because of course she’s Sarah.
They were all Sarah.
stay woke, executive friends
We’d Watch These
A sampling of television programs Steve and Jen are looking forward to in the coming season:
Arc of My Heart: A teen historical romance following Joan of Arc and her high school class as they discover love and fight the English.
Ep 01: “Pilot.” In 1428, Joan and her classmates enter their junior year at Orleans High, home of the Fighting Maids. Joan has no plans to marry, as she is saving herself to be a magical paladin-bride to Jesus, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t interested in the latest dresses and helping her friends Margaret and Catherine catch husbands! Margaret has her eye on the Archangel Michael, who is secretly the bastard half-brother of Louis, Duke of Orleans, but he’s been promised to Tiffany, the mean blonde handmaiden of the Duchess. Can the ladies finish their alchemy homework before English bowmen attack?
Ep 04: “The Rose.” Joan’s encounter with the handsome garrison commander has her questioning the value of holy virginity. Handmaiden Tiffany is with child, possibly by the mad Headmaster Charles VI, freeing Michael to court Margaret, but Joan has a vision and is forced to decide whether to tell them that their romance could doom all of France. There is a mystery beast from the forest terrorizing the teachers’ lounge.
Ep 10: “Redder Than Blood.” Now secretly wed to the Dauphin, Joan travels to Burgundy with Catherine and Michael’s half-angel infant daughter in a desperate bid to raise troops. Michael continues building Joan’s +2 Armor of Siege-Lifting in shop class, but runs into trouble when mad Headmaster Charles VI starts asking too many questions. The mystery beast from the forest turns out to be a friendly highwayman who teaches the handmaidens a very special lesson about disability and Christmas, which may have been inside them all along. (Guest star: Aldis Hodge)
*****
the rest: http://dreamcafe.com/2015/05/22/wed-watch-these/
Did I create a tumblr for Steve JUST to get him to cross-post this content? No I did not. It was also so that he can ego-search tumblr more effectively. Anyway, he’s new at this, so go ask him weird things and also tag him in fanart posts.
film about a group of men getting into shenanigans= “comedy”
film about a group of women getting into shenanigans= “chick flick”film about a friendship between two men= “buddy flick”
film about a friendship between two women= “chick flick”emotional film about father/son relationships= “drama”
emotional film about mother/daughter relationships= “chick flick”film about a young man finding identity= “coming of age”
film about a young woman finding identity= “chick flick”SHIT